Top Ten Things To Do With A Laser

You're sitting around the house. Bored to death. Nothing to do. So what do you do? Why not whip out your handy laser and have some fun? Here are ten things that you can do with your laser to pass the time:

1. Bounce a laser beam off of the moon. The Apollo astronauts left some mirrors on the moon for scientific studies. Why not take advantage of that to measure the distance to the moon for yourself? The last time I checked it, the moon was about 238,857 miles from Earth, but it varies from 221,463 miles to 251,968 miles. What does your laser say?
2. Drive your cat nuts with your laser! Whiskers will go bonkers when you get him to chase the end of the laser beam that he will never catch. Now that's what I call entertainment!
3. Perform some laser eye surgery. Doctors do it all the time. Sure, you may end up burning your eyes out, but why not give it a good old try? Just think about it. A LASIK surgeon would cost you about $1,000. You can do it for free! It might even work. Maybe.
4. You could always use your laser to pierce your ears. If you're like me, you hate needles! You can skip all of that with a well concentrated laser beam directed at the earlobes. Depending on the power of your laser, it may take anywhere from a second to hours. if your machine is weak, and it does take hours, just do your best to ignore the smell of burning flesh.
5. Kill that ant pile! I bet that you have been wanting to get rid of them pesky ants for weeks. Now is your chance. Just blast them little basturds with your laser until they fry! You can go for the sick approach (one at a time), or for the mass extinction (think Star Wars).
   
6. Get rid of that nasty female mustache with your laser. It's gross looking! Yes, it may hurt a bit, but that's a small price to pay.
   
7. You can completely ruin a drive-in movie theater performance with your laser pointer. Just imagine watching a dumb chick flick like "Steel Magnolias" with a red dot on Julia Robert's face the whole time. If you have enough power in your laser, you can even burn a smiley face onto the screen.
   
8. Mount your laser on Rover's back and send him on a recon mission. Just imagine the look on your neighbor's face when Rover shows up at her door with a laser strapped on him. Now that's what I call priceless!
9. Heat up a cold bathtub with your laser. It may take a few days, depending on your power, but the reward of a hot bath is worth the price.
10. Run around town holding your laser like a lightsaber screaming, "Have you seen Master Luke?" Just make sure that you look really insane and you can't go wrong.